


Newmann Porn Quickies

by helenlavoie



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Blunt, Cliche, Dirty Talk, Funny, Gay, Gay Sex, Graphic Description, Headcanon, Kinky, M/M, Porn, Quickies, Satire, Sexy, Shameless Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, newmann - Freeform, not subtle, to the point, trashy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-03 02:41:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1728092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helenlavoie/pseuds/helenlavoie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Recently, I told my husband that I really enjoy dirty/smutty/sexy Newt Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb fanfics.  Since then, he has not stopped coming up with cliche porno-type lines that Newt and Hermann could say to each other, and then imitating ridiculous, old porn music.</p>
<p>So this is the collection of those ingenious ideas.  Enjoy!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Newmann Porn Quickies Set 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be posting these small snippets into chapters as we come up with them.
> 
> These are meant to be fun and corny and trashy.

**Hermann:** I feel strange…  
 **Newt:** I slipped some kaiju bone powder into your coffee. You should be feeling the effects.  
(cue music)

\--

**Newt:** Where can I put this kaiju specimen?  
 **Hermann:** I’ll show you where you can put your cock.  
(cue music)

\--

**Hermann:** What are you wearing under that lab coat?  
 **Newt:** Come here, and find out.  
(cue music)

\--

**Newt:** Oh no! This kaiju specimen exploded, and got all over my clothes!  
 **Hermann:** Then we better get you out of them.  
(cue music)

\--

**Stacker:** Who is responsible for this huge mess?!!  
 **Newt:** Sorry, Marshall.  
 **Stacker:** You are both going to a holding cell for five hours.  
 **Hermann:** We’ll only need twenty minutes.  
(cue music)

\--

**Newt:** We’ll have to move this kaiju specimen using the service elevator.  
 **Hermann:** Why the service elevator?  
 **Newt:** So I can service you.  
(cue music)

\--

**Newt:** Hey, Hermann.  
 **Hermann:** Yes, Newt?  
 **Newt:** Let’s fuck.  
(cue music)

\--

**Hermann:** Hey, Newt.  
 **Newt:** Yes, Hermann?  
 **Hermann:** I’ve been seeing someone else.  
 **Newt:** Really?  
 **Hermann:** No, I’m kidding. Let’s fuck.  
(cue music)


	2. Newmann Porn Quickies Set 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More cliche, trashy, NFSW Newt and Hermann dialogue :)

**Newt:** Want to see the new Godzilla with me?  
 **Hermann:** Why would I do that?  
 **Newt:** We can do the popcorn trick…  
(cue music)

\--

**Newt:** Hey, Hermann?  
 **Hermann:** Yes, Newt?  
 **Newt:** We should get rid of the letter J.  
 **Hermann:** Why is that?  
 **Newt:** Because when working with kaiju, the J is keeping U and I apart.  
(cue music)

\--

**Hermann:** Hey, Newt.  
 **Newt:** Yes, Hermann?  
 **Hermann:** What’s the difference between kaiju and frequency?  
 **Newt:** What?  
 **Hermann:** Kaiju are giant monsters, and frequency defines how often we fuck.  
(cue music)

\--

**Newt:** I wonder the sex of the most recently captured kaiju…  
 **Hermann:** I wonder why we aren’t having sex right now!  
(cue music)

\--

**Newt:** You know, Hermann, after all these kaiju studies we’ve done, it’s got me thinking.  
 **Hermann:** About what? Hot, steamy, man-sex?  
 **Newt:** Actually, yes! Why don’t you take off your clothes?!  
(cue music)

\--

**Hermann:** Newt, I was looking through your notes, and this drawing doesn’t look like a kaiju…  
 **Newt:** I know. It’s my cock. I traced it.  
 **Hermann:** That’s what I thought it was. I nearly messed my pants when I saw it. Let’s fuck!  
(cue music)

\--

**Stacker:** Reset that clock!  
 **Hermann:** The clock has been restarted. You know what that means!  
 **Newt:** Oh yeah! Take out that cock!  
(cue music)

\--

**Newt:** Hermann, what’s the difference between you and a category 4 kaiju?  
 **Hermann:** I don’t know, what?  
 **Newt:** I’ve never anally creampied a level 4 kaiju.  
(cue music)

\--

**Stacker:** Dr. Gottlieb! Dr. Geiszler! I need you both in my office right now!  
 **Hermann:** We’re coming.  
 **Newt:** …Again…  
(cue music)


End file.
